3.16.2006

Opposites

"You, my hidden pearl of pure and perfect love,
And I'm a living example of 100 percent the opposite of this,
If I ask the same questions
Well maybe I repeat myself from time to time,
But it's because everyone who answers me is a liar."
~mewithoutYou

Apartments seeing snags. Every piece of my life that just last week felt like it was coming together neatly has extracted itself from its position and unraveled itself. At least I have a job down there, even if I have nowhere to live.

Trisha left for Chicago today. It's freezing out and I ate too much pizza today, and I've been cleaning (staring at my crap) and watching episodes of Nip/Tuck and talking to Joanna about what we're going to do. I feel like my mother would rather say "I told you so" and be pessimistic rather than try to help me think of something. She is longsuffering, I give her that.

I see my moods resurfacing in some emotional pattern I've yet to fully understand. I do not want to return to Philadelphia depressed, or homeless, or already having been defeated by classes I haven't taken yet. And yet my thoughts have drifted to 10th-11th grade on more than one occasion. I'm almost 21 here. I need to give up my past and I realize this.

"My jeans, your shoes, we'll throw away everything..."

I just feel sick of all of this. I want to have a place solidified instead of a half-assed plan to go down early and crash on someone's couch.

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